dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
