so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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