Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
