is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
