I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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