i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
