I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
