Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
