I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
