You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
