I smell stomach acid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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