I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
