If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
