I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
