he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize