He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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