Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch