Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.