i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
