I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.