i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"