my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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