dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
