I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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