wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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