i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
