he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
