Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
