do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize