anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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