i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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