I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
