The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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