I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ladies don't puke and tell
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
