using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
