I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
