this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
