After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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