so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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