I smell stomach acid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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