That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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