Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
