wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
