Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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