Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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