i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
