Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize