I got chris browned last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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