Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
