Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
