I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
