i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
