I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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