your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
