so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
