never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
