Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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