All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
