I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
