Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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