He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
