can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
