I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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