I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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