so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
