oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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