Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
