you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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