Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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