do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
