Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
