So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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