first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
