Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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