I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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