at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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