Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
