On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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