My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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