your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
