i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
