I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
