i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
