jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
