I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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