he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
